Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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