i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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