I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
