With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
