literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i came on her dog
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
