I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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