my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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