I molested 6 butterflies tonight
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
