Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
