it hurts more in the daytime
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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