ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
