Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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