I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
