An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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