Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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