Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
