oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
