I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
