she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
