he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
