So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
