if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we have pet lesbian snakes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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