and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
