just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
