hotel room ftw
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Less talking, more tequila
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
