Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
