I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
