i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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