..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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