God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
