I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
