like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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