some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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