if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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