How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
