I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
