It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
