I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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