I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
