Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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