I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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