420 ftw
Please, let me fuck your mom
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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