She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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