he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
