i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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