my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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