I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
