im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
