Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
