as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
