I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
